And its snow time

That moment when its snowing outside and you're singing "Let it go" from Frozen... :)

Cleaning

In few weeks’ I will be moving to a new place (shifting residence), and so I decided to spend my weekend cleaning my room and getting rid of the junk. It took me few hours to tidy and sort. Things like old study notes, paper pieces and printouts, went straight into the rubbish bin without a second thought. But, certain things like - clothes, shoes, jewelry, were hard to let go (emotional attachment). But then I told myself – “ You don’t use those things anymore, in the name of memory those things have been sitting in your closet for years, do you want those things to remain in there for the next decade or do you want to give them away to someone who will actually use it”. Felt sour at the beginning, but then I knew giving them away was the right thing to do.

My room was organised and spacious. It felt nice. It reminded me that as my room, my heart needed cleaning and sorting periodically. Time to time those negative feelings - heavy baggage that you carry inside needs to be taken out, and discarded. In life, sometimes we get attached or comfortable with bitter memories and instead of letting them go, we decide to hold onto them for years. It’s not easy to forgive someone that has caused us hurt. I am a work in progress in the area of forgiveness. But, what I have realized is that holding onto a grudge, makes you negatively attached to a person that has wronged you, and you end up booking a room for them inside your heart. In reality, they don't merit that occupancy. You don’t want to give undue importance to someone who doesn't deserve it. Hence, I have made a deliberate choice to cleanse my heart and give myself self-talks occasionally.  

How to get over someone

Have you ever been dumped? Have you ever been cheated on? Have you ever been in a position where you've asked someone out, and they have blatantly said NO? Have you ever tried to get over someone you've never dated? I have been in all of the above situations. So what do you do? How do you deal with them? These are few things that have helped me to get on with my life, and I just felt like sharing them on my blog.

1. Face the truth – Truth hurts…But believing a lie hurts you even more...A lie that says, you stand a chance in that relationship - they might just change their mind and come back to you. If someone has rejected you, keep telling yourself that they don’t love you. Cast out all hopes relating to them. Eventually, you’ll get over the feeling.
2. Surround yourself with people – Locking yourself in your room is a bad idea. Hang out with your family (cook a meal at home, do the dishes, gardening maybe). Talk about your problem with a friend. It’s good to cry sometimes.
3. Keep Busy – If you’re a student, please focus on your studies, if you’re a working professional do the best you can for your organisation. If you don’t like any of the things I just mentioned, offer your service to someone. There are so many organisations out there that are desperately looking for volunteers.  
4. Engage in some physical activity – Running, jumping, skipping, swimming, cycling, jogging, gymming…Whatever might be your thing…Do it…My personal favourite is going for long walks…It relaxes me.
5. Pay attention to yourself – Wake up in the morning, take a shower, wear nice clothes (smell nice included) and eat a good breakfast. It pumps you up and gets you started to face the day. I always find myself more productive and efficient when I do the above.
6. Meditation – Praying gives me peace. It calms my body and soul. It reminds me that there is someone watching over me, who cares incredibly about my existence.

I don’t know what place you’re in at the moment. There is no quick fix for heartbreaks …For most people it’s a slow process… Keep fighting those feelings….Don’t stop loving yourself because of the rejection… The phase will pass away before you know it … Been there and done it! 

My Shopping Partner

What happens when I take him shopping with me?

• That dress is too short
• Those jeans are too tight
• The neckline of that shirt is too low
• That skirt’s slit is too high
• Na Na...Not that colour.....Please !!!!…

After he finishes displaying his critical attitude towards my clothing preferences, he picks up something that’s sooooo bizarre and ugly, and says “This is what you should wear ”

 And the “HIM” I am referring to is my DAD :)

Hospitals and Airports

My mother had to undergo three unexpected surgeries in the last three weeks, and so I ended up spending a lot of time waiting outside the Operation Theatre (OT), and visiting her at the hospital. Most people, who were sitting with me outside the OT, had their loved ones go through some surgery. People were experiencing different kinds of emotions – Some looked happy because the doctor had told them that their loved ones had survived and were now safe. Some were eagerly waiting to hear the good or bad news; these individuals had anxiety and sadness written all over their faces. Some were expressionless (maybe they kept themselves busy to hide their pain…I don’t know).

The emotions people displayed at the hospital were quite similar to what I had witnessed at the airport. It takes close to about 18 hours of flying, and 20 hours of waiting at different airports to get to my final destination. I usually don’t care about the things happening around me, but this time it was different, I was observing people who were waiting to board their flights. Some passengers looked  happy as they were going on a holiday. Some (the category I belong to) were sitting with a heavy heart because they had just said goodbye to their loved ones, and wasn’t sure when they would meet them next. Some were expression less and were buried into their phones or laptops (probably they are people travelling for official purposes).

People I had seen at the airport and the hospital had a story attached to their lives…a story probably similar or very different from mine…these were strangers who experienced various emotions just like I did… With some I could relate, even though I did not know them.

I want to end my blog with this quote - “Airports have seen more sincere hugs than weddings. Hospital walls have heard more honest prayers than churches” – Unknown

Playing Hard To Get

While having a chat about dating and relationships in general, I asked my friend for her opinion on, “playing hard to get in a relationship”? She gave me a rapid-fire answer as to why she thought it was an effective strategy, these were her words, “It’s human to want something you can’t have, recall the term used in economics - creating an illusion of scarcity, I think it’s good to ignore that person once a while, so that they value you more, miss you more, and desire for you more”. To that, I replied, “But don’t you think  - playing hard - to get involves manipulation of individual feelings”. My friend burst out laughing and said, “I am not implying meanness, I am saying, its good to keep distant or reserved sometimes, just to make a point that your life does not revolve around that someone”.

The next part of our conversation involved a discussion on how to implement the “playing hard to get strategy” - Tips given to me;

1. Make sure your crush makes the first move – includes texting, emails, phone calls and saying hi in public places.
2. If your crush has made the first move, make sure you react slowly…Never give a spontaneous reaction back.
3. Be confident and vague. A mysterious personality always draws attention.

I wasn't very convinced with my friend’s explanation.  My friend knew that our dialogue about the subject would never end, and so very cleverly she managed to divert my attention to another topic.

Later that evening, I decided to find out if there was any academic research done on the subject. To my surprise, I found an article that discussed, whether playing hard to get - was a good strategy or not (don’t judge me I read all kinds of research papers)...Pay close attention to the hypothetical case - “Assume X likes Y, but Y for some reason has decided to put X into the friend zone. Now to win Y’s heart, X decides to implement the famous - “playing hard to get strategy”. Y is least bothered and is in no motivation to chase X because Y has engraved it in their brain that X is just a friend”..What do you think? Will the strategy work in the following case?. According to Dai et al., (2014) playing hard to get is an effective way to increase feelings of “wanting” only if your crush is already interested in you. Otherwise, it’s just a backfiring strategy.

I would apply the “playing hard to get strategy” only if the person I love takes me for granted. Otherwise, I think it’s best to be straightforward with your feelings or emotions.

Those who are interested to know more about the subject can read this paper;

 When does playing hard to get increase romantic attraction? Dai, Xianchi; Dong, Ping; Jia, Jayson S. Journal of Experimental Psychology: General, Vol 143(2), Apr 2014, 521-526. 

My Teaching Experience

Dean - “Are you all set to teach?... They are a total of 120…The average age is around 21. ”

Me - “I think so” (hiding my nervousness and trying to sound as confident as can be)

Dean - “Just be firm and set the rules from day one, you’ll be fine … All the best”

Me - “Thank you” (fake smile on)

First day - Walks into class (looking as grumpy as possible)… Opens the power point slide with the rules written on it:

Rule 1  No coming late to my class
Rule 2  No talking when I am talking
Rule 3  No extension on assignments

Did they follow my rules?... Absolutely Not!... Every single rule of mine was broken right from day one...."Ma'am chill, rules are meant to be broken"....Yupp! that was their response (they were lovely)... :) 

Sooo....What were the different types of students I encountered?

• The ones that suffered from verbal diarrhea

• The ones who were mute

• The ones that paid attention in class, made frequent visits to my office, wrote notes, which would then be photocopied by their friends and circulated during exams.

• The ones that barely showed up for class, but would end up with an A

• The ones who studied day and night, but sadly would end up with a B

• The ones whose main aim was to just get a degree on paper, they cared less about grades

                   This was a common sight to see!

Did I enjoy teaching? I loved every tiny whiny bit of it, except for - supervising exams (brain dead exercise), grading (120 assignments and 120 final exam papers… exhausting) and staff meetings (time to write my grocery list)... On the whole, it was an incredible experience... Quitting my job and saying goodbye was extremely hard …. I can’t wait to finish my PhD and get back to teaching  :) .

The Boss Story!

A printout stuck outside my lecturer’s office grabbed my attention. It was a quote by Bill Gates, that said – “If you think your teacher is tough, wait till you get a boss”. I couldn't agree more… The quote took me back to those years - when I worked under a MONSTER.

First, let me explain, why I consider my ex-boss to be a monster.

1. According to my contract, my working hours were between 9 am to 5 pm. But, for my boss showing up at 9 am was considered late, and leaving at 5 pm was considered  early. We had to get to work by 8:30 am and leave the office not any time before 7 pm. Sometimes, he even expected us to work on weekends (No…we weren't paid for working overtime).
2. Our external appearance was extremely important to him, mainly because we had to face our clients. We were expected to be formally dressed all the time (looking and smelling our best). I recall him telling one of my colleagues, to go see a dentist, to get his teeth stains and deposits removed .     
3. My boss suffered from obsessive–compulsive personality disorder (OCPD), in simple words, he was obsessed with orderliness and perfectionism. Our work station had to be absolutely clean and organised - no books or pieces of paper were allowed on the table, everything had to be kept in the right place. The floors and the windows of our work place were always sparkling clean.
4. He also had a bad habit of comparing people. Occasionally, he would tell my colleague (my current best friend) that she was way behind me at work, and then repeat the same thing to me that I had to catch up with her (with respect to my work).  
5. He would set unreasonable targets for us which were next to impossible to achieve. In other words, we were basically treated as machines, which had taken human forms.

After ten months of enduring him, I decided to quit my job…. But, I am glad that I had an opportunity to work with a monster… My boss did have a positive impact on me in the long run…. Like they say, every person that you encounter in life teaches you something :)

Now, let me explain why working with him did me good in the long run.

1. Every boss after him seemed like an angel.
2. If not for my boss’s torture, my colleague and I would have never become best of friends.
3. I have learnt to handle criticism well.
4. I inspire and motivate myself where my work is concerned.
5. I truly appreciate constructive feedback. 
6. Lastly, most importantly - I cannot think of leaving my house without taking a shower and smelling nice…And, yeah!... I make sure I visit the dentist, at least once a year to get my teeth scaled and cleaned. 

Little Birdie

Thank you birdie for making me smile... I appreciate the fact that you didn't fly away, when I came really close…. Had to stop and click a picture with you coz you are way too cute :)

Felt like the pic above...Seriously ;)

Mission Accomplished

All characters appearing in this post aren't fictitious… This is a true story!

“Tanyaaaa! Tanyaaaa! Tanyaaa!”

“WHAT”

“Can you please come here….”

“WHY?”

“Tanya please!... It’s important”

“FIRST TELL ME WHY”

“You first come here, and then I’ll tell you why?. Hurry up please!”

“OK WAIT…I AM COMING”

“Can you please switch off the light…”

Stares at her older sister (who is apparently lying on the bed, under the blanket).... Switches off the light and then leaves! 

Like I said, age is just a number!

“Is that your youngest sister?” asked a friend, I replied, “Yes that’s her”.  The next sentence from my friend’s mouth was, “She was a baby when we were in high school…cannot believe how quickly time has passed … She's all grown up now…Wow! …that makes us sooooo old”. To that, I responded back saying, “If you want to call yourself old, go ahead, but don’t include me in it”... :)... “of course, you are old, we are 28, that makes us old” answered my friend.

Why are most people obsessed with growing old? Why do people hesitate to admit their ages? Why do some people lie, when asked how old they are? My friend is right, I am 28 years old, but that doesn’t bother me one bit... :). To me, age is just a mere number. Thanks to my grandfather who made me realise that you're only as old as you feel. My grandfather turned 94, about two weeks back. Most people, who have interacted with him, tell him that he looks way younger than his actual age. That’s because my grandfather does everything a person who is several years younger to him would do.

The other day, I was reading an article that said people who perceived themselves as being old and frail, aged much faster than those who did not. That explains why some people look way older than their actual age. Growing old is something none of us can avoid, so why to focus on it. Instead, indulge in activities that make you feel young at heart…It could be anything!... Like I said, age is just a number! 

Change is something I like!

I used to be someone, who would get upset over little things. Once, someone I knew from my past said to me that I had changed, and by "changed" they meant for the worse. I was quiet displeased to hear that, and their comment disturbed me for days….Thankfully I got over it!

People are always going to have opinions. You’ll always have one or two individuals that you have interacted years back, coming to you and telling you things - you don’t want to hear. People are entitled to their own opinions, but whether I want to accept what they say is entirely upto me... I can’t stop people from saying things, but I do have the power to control my reactions... Whether, I have changed for the better or worse, is something I have to decide, not someone else for me!... I love my life, and I don’t want to be the same person, I was ten or fifteen years ago…. Right now, I feel a lot confident, vibrant, and content… Not, that I have a perfect life, but the way I look at life is different now.

I am not living to please every person I know, because the truth is - I just cannot. Where my friendships are concerned, I am truly blessed to have few friends who have loved me then, and who still continue to love me now. If you are one of those who does not like the current me, then I think it’s better for us not to be in touch and I am saying this to you out of love :) ... No hard feelings!

Good Things Happen to Those Who Wait

In 2008, I felt a desire inside me to pursue higher studies. I considered doing a PhD. Thus, began my quest to find the right school, the appropriate supervisor and the right country to live in. Religiously, I would spend hours on the internet, carefully going through different university webpages. For four years, I received rejection replies from these universities. In 2013, I decided that it was going to be my last attempt at applying. Surprisingly, when I was about to give up, the admission to a good university happened. I wasn't admitted into the PhD program, but into another program where I had to prove myself first, before I made it into their PhD program.... Did I make it...Yes I did :)

It’s hard when people reject you. You might be rejected in a relationship, a job interview, a promotion or an admission into a specific university. But, that doesn't mean life is over...Not at all... There is always something better waiting for you. In my case, it took many years for my dream to come true. When things finally happened, the pain of rejection that I went through for several years was totally worth it. All I can say is to keep believing in yourself, even when nobody else does. It might seem like it’s never going to happen, but, the truth is it will... at the right time…The key word here is “TIME”… There is an appointed time for everything in life, so just learn to live with the flow and let things happen in its own pace and in its own time… :)